Slow Fade
by kbrewster
Summary: Emily has a dream about her past on the jet, and Hotch is there to talk to her.


**theadoptedbrewster this is for youu~ :D**

Emily was checking over her hotel room one last time, making sure she had everything that was in her go-bag when she arrived in Massachusetts three days prior.

She and Hotch had come to interview a woman in prison who had murdered ten men in three years. They were trying to figure out why she did what she did. The only reason she had been caught was because she had messed up her pattern in a hurry during the final kill. However, despite everyone's attempts, she refused to answer anyone's questions regarding why. Hotch had been asked by Strauss to take someone to accompany him to try to get the woman to admit something, for research purposes. He chose Prentiss, she was the first team member to come to his mind. It had taken them three days, and several different interrogation tactics, but they'd finally come up with an answer: her husband of ten years had up and left her, and taken his daughter with him. The child was the woman's step-daughter, but she considered the girl hers.

After her ex-husband left her, the woman changed her name. She moved away and started a new life, so her marriage had not been on record. No one knew about her past life until Hotch and Prentiss got it out of her.

The woman had been so angry and sad about losing the two most important people in the world, she went and killed ten men who had children but were also re-married.

Emily heard a light knock at her hotel door. She went and opened it for the guest who she already knew was Hotch.

"Hey," she greeted with a light smile.

"Hey," he returned the gesture, smile included. "Wheels are going up in ten minutes. You ready?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm ready. I was jut making sure I didn't forget anything," she laughed lightly. She was prone to leaving items behind after cases, normally due to sleep deprivation and her rush to finally sleep in her own bed again,

"Alright, meet me in the lobby when you're done," he said.

"I will," she replied, closing the door after he turned to walk out of the room.

Ten minutes later, she and Hotch were on the jet, preparing to return to Quantico. Emily leaned back in the seat, closing her eyes. She was absolutely exhausted. For some reason, trying to break this woman had taken more out of her than running around trying to catch an UnSub. She hadn't intended to fall asleep, but soon after the jet was in the air, she was asleep.

_Lauren Reynolds had just woken up, but not by her own choice. She had woken up to a small body jumping up on top of her. _

_She opened her eyes to see none other than Declan Doyle looking down at her. _

"_Lauren, are you awake?" he asked. _

_She laughed softly. "I am now, sweetie," she said as she reached up to run her fingers through Declan's curly blonde hair. She glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was still only 7 in the morning. Doyle had left at 4 to finish up a deal, so she was the only person occupying the bed. Well, she had been until Declan woke her up. _

"_What are you doing up so early?" she asked, sitting up in bed and moving Declan to a more comfortable position in her lap. _

"_I dunno," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I just woke up and wanted to come see you," he said sweetly. _

"_Well, I'm very glad you did. I love spending time with you, Declan." she told him. If anything about this assignment for her was true, it was her love and dedication to the little boy sitting in her lap. Despite the ever looping web of lies she was caught in, that was the one thing that remained true. _

_Declan snuggled closer into her arms, a smile creeping across his face. He had his father's smile. There were a lot of things about Declan that reminded her of Doyle. She would have guessed the child really was his, even if Doyle never told her. _

"_But," the brunette added, "It's still pretty early. Why don't you stay in here for a little while and try to sleep some more, okay?" _

"_Okay, Lauren," the four-year-old agreed, as she situated the both of them into a more comfortable sleeping position. Though, she didn't fall asleep. She lay there, rubbing small circles on Declan's back. _

_She was in this too deep, and she knew it. She had fallen head over heels for Declan. She wanted to protect him like he was her own, and she would do it in a heartbeat. Not only that, but she had fallen for Ian Doyle as well. Something she never thought possible. When she had been given this assignment as Emily Prentiss, she distinctly remembered thinking there was no way in Hell she could fall in love with a terrorist. Her only goal had been to get in and get out as soon as possible. _

_As soon as Doyle told her Declan was his child, she had all the information she needed. She could have called her team that night, told him about Declan, and she wouldn't have had to do anything else as far at this case was concerned. Other people would have taken over, and slowly, through Declan, Doyle would be broken down. _

_But she hadn't done that. She told no one about Declan. She couldn't bear the thought of that little boy being interrogated, and God knows what else, solely to get Doyle to talk. The next time she contacted anyone from her team, she would say she didn't have enough information yet. She would buy herself more time to spend with her makeshift family. _

_It was then she understood how people could fall in love with psychopaths. She understood how easy it could become to overlook the bad and focus solely on the good person that was seen behind closed doors. She was in love with Ian Doyle. She would never admit it to anyone. Yes, out loud, she said she loved him. It was for the job. It was to get close to him to build a profile. It wasn't because she really loved him, she told herself… but that just simply wasn't true anymore. _

_She brought her hand to the ring she wore around her neck. She took the necklace off, and removed the ring from the chain. Slowly, she placed the ring on her finger. She twirled it around her finger several times. _

_She meant what she had said to Doyle when she told him there were so many things she would do to make him happy. There really was an entire list of things she would do for that man. But she wouldn't raise Declan to be like him. Not Ian Doyle the weapons dealer. She could see herself raising him to be like Ian Doyle the father. Ian Doyle, Lauren Reynolds' fiancé._

_She wished she could get him out of the business. She wished she could talk him into something that didn't kill innocent people. She wished they could really, truly become a family. She took the ring off and put it back on the chain, knowing that possibility could never become a reality. She sighed, frustrated with her impossible situation. _

_A few moments later, Declan stirred, and was awake again. She glanced at the clock again, it was almost 9 now. She figured that was a reasonable time to start the day. _

"_Hi," she said softly. _

"_Good morning Lauren," he shot her a toothy grin. _

_She lightly pinched his cheek. "You're so polite! Good morning to you, Declan," she returned the greeting. _

_He sat up, facing her. "Lauren?" he asked, looking down at the sheets on the bed and not directly at her. She knew something was bothering him. _

"_What is it sweetie?" she asked, concern evident in her voice. _

_He sighed. "I wish… I wish you were my Mommy," he said. _

_She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. "Oh, honey," she breathed. _

_She sat him in her lap again, wishing she could permanently become Lauren Reynolds. Lauren Reynolds would do anything for Declan, even if it meant marrying Ian Doyle and raising him to become the same thing his father was. But Emily Prentiss knew this was just an assignment. She couldn't raise an innocent little boy to be a killer. She wouldn't do it, no matter what the circumstance. _

"_I wish I was too," she told him honestly. "But even if I'm not _really _your Mommy, I still play with you, and I love you like a Mommy would," she said continuing with her honesty. _

"_I know," he agreed. "But I still wish it," She gave him a light kiss on the forehead, completely unsure of how to continue the conversation. _

_Suddenly, the scenery changed. She wasn't in hers and Ian Doyle's bedroom, Declan snuggled into her side. She was on the runway of an airport. Louise and Declan were standing in front of her. Declan was hysterically crying, and Louise was trying to comfort him. _

"_Declan," Louise said firmly. "We have to go. We can't stay here any longer," _

"_But I want Lauren!" he said, breaking free of Louise's grip on his hand, running to her, clinging to her leg for dear life. _

"_Declan, sweetie," she said gently, picking him up and hugging him. "Remember what we talked about? We're gonna play a game. I dressed you and Louise up and we pretended that you got shot. You and Louise need to go on a vacation now, okay?"_

"_But I want you to go, Mommy," Declan cried, burying her face into her neck. She wanted to cry. Declan had just called her 'Mommy.' He trusted her that much, he loved her that much. She wanted to go with them. But she knew she could never do that. This was their only option, sending them away, far away from Ian Doyle. After they were safe, he was getting locked up, and Lauren Reynolds was going to die. She would be Emily Prentiss again. _

"_I wish I could go with you, baby," she said, wiping his face of tears that were streaming down. "But I can't. But I know you can do this. You played the other part of the game very well," she told him, smiling. _

"_I looked pretty good for a dead kid, didn't I?" he said, giggling softly. And then he was gone. Sean, her contact from her team who was watching, had swiftly come up behind her and taken him out of her arms, and whisked him and Louise onto the plane. She didn't even get to tell him goodbye. She didn't get to tell her that she loved him. He was just… gone. She briefly saw him looking out the window of the plane, waving his little arm as hard as he could, screaming something she couldn't hear. She waved back, crying as she did so. _

"_What were you thinking, Emily? You could have compromised the whole mission! You were incredibly too wrapped up in this, you were supposed to tell us when that happened! It wasn't supposed to be like this!"_

_She didn't reply. She didn't do anything. She stood there, unmoving like a statue. _

"_Emily!" He said repeatedly, but she didn't respond._

"Prentiss!" She jerked awake, breathing heavily, gripping tightly to her seat. She frantically looked around. She wasn't in Doyle's villa. She wasn't in an airport. She was on the BAU jet, and Hotch was standing right in front of her.

"Are you okay?" she heard him ask, his voice worried. "You were mumbling something and tossing and turning in the seat," he informed her.

_Damn, _she thought. "I was?" she tried playing dumb.

Hotch shot her an 'are-you-kidding-me?' look.

She huffed. "Okay, maybe I was. I'm fine." she said.

"You don't have to tell me about it, Emily," he said. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay,"

"I'm fine. It was just a dream." she said, turning to look out the window.

"Alright, if you're sure. We're landing in a few minutes,"

"Okay," she said, her gaze still on the clouds before her, her favorite part of flying had always been the view of the sky around her; it calmed her. She subconsciously picked at her fingernails for a few minutes. She opened her mouth several times to speak, but thought better of it wach time.

"You can tell me," Hotch said finally, tired of watching her continue to hesitate.

"It's just… it's… that woman. She just wanted a family… that was all. And she _killed _ten men because of it? I don't understand," she said, frazzled. She was supposed to be a professional, understanding criminals was supposed to be something she was good at. She sat back in her seat even more than she already was, slightly embarrassed to admit this.

"We don't always have to understand everything behind this," he told her comfortingly. "This job isn't easy, I know. We all know that. Sometimes things happen, and people do things we simply can't fathom. I wish it wasn't like that, but it is,"

"I know, I know… it's just. I've never told anyone this but, when I was undercover… as you know Doyle wanted me to marry him, raise Declan to become him. The logical part of me knew that wasn't possible. But… but I still _wanted _to do it, Hotch. I wanted to be his wife. I wanted to be Declan's mother. And it scared me. It still does… I just… wonder if maybe I'm capable of becoming someone like that," she said, still picking her fingernails, tapping her foot rapidly.

"Emily, look at me," he told her, and she did, reluctantly so. "You won't ever be like that. You're different from her; from anyone who's ever killed someone. It's not so wrong that you want a family, Emily. Trust me, it's the most rewarding thing someone can have. And I know it's hard with our job to find someone willing to start a family with you, and Doyle was your closest option. I completely get it. But you'll find somebody who you can have a family with. I promise," he said, sending a rare Hotch smile her way.

She felt like her heart had literally stopped beating. Had Aaron Hotchner really just said that to her? She blinked several times before finally saying,

"You really think so?"

"I do, Emily. I really do,"

She smiled. One of those smiles that stretched all the way across her face, lighting up her eyes. Hotch's words may not have been much of anything to most people, but to Emily Prentiss, they meant something. And for her, that was truly all that mattered.


End file.
